I am a loner.  I make no apologies and have long accepted that I just don't 'do' relationships.  Oh, I've tried a few times, but I just don't seem to have it in me to sustain things.  (Husband and children excepted - but they're kind of stuck with me.)  However, lately I've been repeatedly running into the idea of 'reconciliation'.  Typically, when I keep finding the same word, concept or idea coming up in a multiple of ways (books I'm reading, articles I see at work, things on TV, even songs) I start thinking that I'm supposed to DO something.  This time, though, I can't imagine  what, precisely, I'm being lead to do.  There's just not anyone out there who would even care.  The people who have faded out of my life are doing just fine without me and I honestly don't see any interest in reconnecting.  So, what, exactly, does 'reconciliation' mean?  Are we supposed to keep trying over and over when there's no interest?  When there has been betrayal? When all parties have gone their separate ways?

What is the Christian concept of reconciliation and does it mean we are to try repair all relationships? 

I guess I'm just confused - it keeps cropping up, sometimes daily, and I just don't see the point.

Music Thoughts

Wow!  It's been a super long time since I posted.

I've been thinking about music a lot lately - how I hear a certain song and it ALWAYS, ALWAYS reminds me of a certain person, place or time.

"Beautiful Tonight" - Eric Clapton:  June Garrett and Lynn Ingram at Henry Walke Co.

"Canon in D" - Pachelbel:- weddings

"There You'll Be" - Faith Hill:  my dad and my son ("In my dreams, I'll always see you soar above the sky...")  It always reminded me of my dad, then was our Mother/Son dance music at John's wedding.

"Touch Me in the Morning" - Diana Ross:  Lisa Harrell in middle school

"Take On Me" - Aha:  riding my exercycle in my first apartment watching the brand new MTV.  (Okay, I'm showing my age here.)

"Spinning Wheel" - Three Dog Night and "Sweet Caroline" - Neil Diamond: my uncle's record store in Monroe, NC

"Islands in the Stream" - Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton:  Roger Coffey playing it over and over in the house on Highland Street in Charlotte

Anything by The Police:  Mark Barringer

"Leader of the Band" - Dan Fogelberg:  my grandfather

Anything by Burl Ives:  Lynn Hamilton

"No Surrender" - Bruce Springsteen and "Run Between the Raindrops" - Pat Benatar:  Vyjay Vyas at Queens

"It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls:  the stripper at my 20th Birthday Party

There are so very many more.  What songs take you back?

I haven't felt compelled to write for awhile - not sure why.  We have continued our Monday Night Supper, but we tried everything I'd always wanted to try and hadn't, so the past few weeks have been less than inspired.  We even had KFC one Monday when I didn't feel like cooking! We've moved on to more fellowship, less experimentation.

This next week will be our last Supper with John.  He leaves Sunday, August 12th for the Marine Corps.  It has come too soon, and yet, in a strange way, not soon enough.  He's been so ready to go, it has felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop since April. I am so dreading his leaving, but so excited for him as he begins his new adventure.  I am hearing all kinds of well-meaning comments from friends and family and am such a jumble of emotions right now.  It's impossible to know, when you are leaving all you've ever known, that you actually won't be back.  Yes, you come back to visit, hopefully for long times and often, but it is never really 'home' again.  I don't think he realizes that. I've had several people with military experience (both personally or with familiy members) tell me that he won't be the same person after boot camp.  I know that, too, but I have faith that he will be a better person.  My prayer for him is that he takes his faith, his compassion, his caring and his sense of humor with him wherever life leads him. (I got a brand new box of Kleenex for work but didn't think to get one for home....good thing I have napkins.)

I am so proud of the man he has grown up to be.  I am also very pleased with the young woman he has chosen to share his life. I hope we can all come together to give them the wedding they want and deserve in November. It will be nice to have a distraction during those long 3 months he is gone and can communicate only through snail mail.

A former Sailor at work told me this week that the three strongest memories he has from his adult life are his wedding, the day his son was born, and seeing his mother sobbing as he left for basic training.  John is facing two of those in the next three months, but my wish for him is to have many, many more happy emotional memories.  I have spent my life shutting myself off from people and emotions and I want him to welcome both. 

The next week will be hard.  There will be tears and smiles, laughter and new memories.  At the end of the day, though, I put my trust in God and know that He will be there with us all, through it all and bring good things to pass.

Amen.

Chicago Journal

I'm deviating from my Supper Club posts to share my journal from the past week at Discovering Opportunities for Outreach and Reflection in Chicago with the Youth Group from First Presbyterian Church in High Point.  This is what I wrote along the way, with a little editing and clarifying.  To protect their privacy, I'm only using initials of other people, though.

6/17 a.m.  We spent the night last night at Sugar Creek Presbyterian Church in Kettering, OH.  It was established in 1804.  Beautiful Church!  We were treated to breakfast by W and will be attending Worship here before heading on to Chicago.

6/17 p.m.  In Chicago.  There are 85 people here this week - including 17 youth and 4 adults from Italy!  I'm teamed with L, A, J, J, J and E.  First stop tomorrow, Gaia Movement.  I think they're a clothing ministry?  [P.S. No, a recycling facility]  Anyway, I'm looking forward to it, but wishing I'd brought some flip flops for the shower - will try to remember to buy some tomorrow if I get the chance.

6/18  We rode two trains, a bus and walked quite a bit to get to the Gaia Movement, where Alex gave us a presentation on recycling and then we split in two groups to take apart recyclable components and work on a rainforest garden.  It was 91 degrees there today - it didn't really seem that warm with the wind, though.  I never realized how very many parts go into some of the things we take for granted - printers, for instance.  There are circuit boards, plastics, screws, springs, etc.  They are quite hard to completely separate! I even spent a little while taking a zig saw to an infant car seat - the screws were so tight, we stripped them and had to cut them (and it) apart.  It really seemed ironic that some of the things we disassembled were in really good shape and could have been used rather than recycled for parts.  I think some of the people in our group really enjoyed taking hammers to some things that proved difficult.  The rainforest component consisted mainly of pulling weeds and raking, trying to clear a spot for the garden to eventually be planted.  We were not working on them today, but they also have a community garden, worm pit and 3-phase compost pile.  We were able to compost out organic lunch remains - orange peels, apple cores, etc.  All in all, it was pretty neat, but I'm glad to get back to the Church and off my feet.  Tomorrow, we're due to go to the Open Lands, which are community gardens - I've been assured the main organizer there can find me something other than gardening!  Preferably sitting down. Getting there will be a different story.  One of my 'out of my comfort zone' issues is not knowing directions in advance.  I don't do well with blindly following, but I'm trying to let go of that and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of it if I do say so myself.  One more thought - I was very proud of how polite and considerate our guys were on the L, especially one.  He was the first several times to jump up and offer his seat.  There were all very helpful to me, too - and I used them as needed!

6/19  This morning we left at 7a.m. to work in a community garden.  I tore out a flower bed and planted trillium (sp?) plants, then watered the whole garden.  Some folks were weeding, some planting, sweeping the sidewalk, mowing, weed-eating, digging, etc.  It was a very productive morning.  Unfortunately, L lost her camera, so we lost our 'before' pictures, but we have a group shot afterwards, taken around 'my' flower bed!  [P.S. The camera was found and returned to DOOR that evening]  This particular garden was started by a group of 4 people 20 years ago, one of whom was Willie Marks.  Mr. Marks lives next door and very graciously provided ice water, bottle tea and snacks mid-morning.  He and one other lady are the only 2 of the original founders still living.  After we were done, we came back to the Church to eat and are leaving shortly for the Sears Tower and a walking tour of downtown.  I just told J & E if I'm going too slow, they can park me somewhere and come back later.
       (Later)  We took the blue line to the pink line to the overhead (Metro?), then walked to the Willis [formerly Sears] Tower.  One of our group didn't want to go, so she and I stayed at McDonald's on the corner while the rest of the group went up.  I had almost backed out totally - I told L I didn't want to be a burden but she said it was fine, so I ended up really glad I went - I was definitely needed, even if I did cause some major slow downs, especially on the M-A-N-Y steps up and down to the trains.  From there, we walked to Millennium Park and saw the water walls, amphitheater and bean statue.  We made it back in time for dinner and I really enjoyed some one-on-one time with a couple of the kids throughout the day. 
     (Even later)  Amazing talk by Brenda Matthews, poet and Christian speaker!  Good reflections on our day with small group, then all of First Pres - followed by some lively games of King Mao and Spoons in the Fellowship Hall - I'm ready for lights out!

6/20 a.m.  Clean up this morning - much easier than p.m. clean up the other night!  I'm not really looking forward to today.  We're going to Cornerstone Family Shelter.  I am so much more comfortable working behind the scenes than with people.  I don't interact well with people I know, much less ones I don't know and won't ever see again.  I enjoy helping and serving, but don't want to get involved.  I'm thinking today will really stretch my comfort zone.
     (Later)  That went much better than I anticipated.  We ended up sorting clothing donations, then visiting/sitting with the guests at the shelter while we and they ate lunch.  I sat with a 56-year old Army veteran.  He was very nice and we talked the whole time.  He went to basic at Fort Jackson in South Carolina - said he loved it - so much warmer than west side Chicago where he grew up and lives now.  After lunch, we went back to sorting clothes until one of the collection trucks showed up.  The kids helped unload the donations off the truck and we pretty much left after that.  Tonight, we're heading out for Chicago Pizza and the Navy Pier.  Late night tonight!

6/21  I overdid it yesterday.  Thankful for K getting me a cab to Navy Pier after Pizza!  I didn't sleep well last night - kept waking up and finally gave up about 5:30 and took a shower.  Very reviving, although I'm sitting here now sweating already.  Today, we are heading to Reba Place, about 2 hours away.  I think most of our large group has been there - sounds like largely clean up, but some have distributed fliers door-to-door in the neighborhood.  Yesterday's group ate lunch by Lake Michigan and went swimming.  We're taking a change of clothes (just shirt for me - you couldn't have paid me to bring a bathing suit) and will head straight to the Point afterwards for our final supper and group reflection.  It's been a good week, but honestly one of the hardest I've ever had.  I'm looking forward to heading home, but will be sorry to see it end, too.  I'm having second thoughts about tomorrow afternoon/evening at the aquarium and baseball game.  I'll have to wait and see how today goes.  "Breathe in, breathe out, move on".
    (Later)  Reba Place turned out to be my favorite place!  We started out rather disorganized, but our host, Dan finally got there and he has such a passion for the community.  I actually ended up sitting the A/C reading while the team taped fliers to doors in the neighborhood about a pizza party in the park that night.  The Church is Mennonite and works hard for peace and reconciliation in the community.  After lunch, they did a little yard work, then we all walked to the park and played basketball, handing out drinks and Popsicles to the kids who were there.  After that, we had a LONG train, train, bus ride to Promotory Point Park, where we met the entire DOOR group for pizza and a closing reflection.  Beautiful spot on Lake Michigan.

6/22  This morning we are cleaning up , saying goodbye to the other three Churches here and heading out to the Shedd Aquarium, then the White Sox game this evening.
     (Later)  it turns out 2 of the other 3 groups are also staying tonight.  Our group was really hoping to spread out a little, I think.
     (Even later)  Our team did a great job on the bathrooms with only a little grumbling LOL.  We're slowly gathering in the Sanctuary now for a final whole group reflection.  After that, we're heading out for the day.  K braided my hair for me!  I hate we had to turn in our water bottles today.  I bought DOOR tee shirts for J & D - have to get something for MB and A!  I think we're shopping at some point today.  In hindsight, I really wish we could have had more Worship and fellowship time with the other groups.  The whole crew was so large that everyone pretty much stuck to their own Church groups on sites.  It would've been nice to get to know the others' better, but there were just too many.  It would've been nice to have more singing and Worship together, too, but the days were so packed with activity (and travel), there just wasn't time.  The 2 sessions we did have were wonderful and reminded me of NC Presbyterian Pilgrimage.
     (Later)  no Shedd (3 hour wait), got shirts for A & MB, long day of waiting - good game.

6/24 Wow - I was absolutely worn out when we got back Friday night.  Yesterday, we were up at 6 a.m., had the vehicles packed and were on the road close to 6:30.  It was a really long day of travel, ending up back at the Church at 10 p.m. almost on the dot.  All in all, it was a pretty smooth trip, though.  We stopped a couple more times than we would've liked, but for being on a van with 9-10 other people ALL DAY LONG, it went really well.  As noted earlier, I was so glad to get home, but a little sad that it was all over.  The Youth did a great job this morning of sharing part of our stories in the two Worship services - I will miss them this Summer.  Chicago was a great initiation to Mission trips!

I forgot to blog last week!  We had Bavarian Pork Chops, from a recipe on the pork chop package at Walmart.  I can't even remember now what we had with them LOL.  I know we had steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots but no clue what else.

Tonight, we had Pork Chops again, with Shake 'n Bake this time.  (That's my husband's favorite.)  They were paired with Twice Baked Potatoes and a green bean casserole.  Everything was pretty good, if simple.  I think I'm about at the point where I've tried everything I really wanted to try when we first started our weekly suppers, so I've lowered my standards a little.  For the summer, we may try some hearty salads, though.

Next week, I'll be in Chicago - YAY!!!  I'll be trying new things, but my peeps here will just have to do without me.  We'll pick back up on the 25th.

Till then,

L

Tonight, we hit the Old Dominion Cookbook yet again.  Mexican Meatloaf - ground beef with taco seasoning, oatmeal & egg, filled with cream cheese and topped with salsa - was accompanied by Mac & Cheese with a variety of cheeses and sour cream.  Both were really good!  The Meatloaf called for optional jalapenos, which I opted NOT to use this time.  It was good without 'em and we didn't miss the extra 'kick'. 
We also had French bread and Arbor Mist Exotic Fruits wine.  I guess we really mixed it up with the ethnicity tonight, too!  American, French and Mexican. I didn't realize that until I started writing. LOL

I hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day.  This year had a more Patriotic feel than I've noticed in years past.  There were so many mentions of gratitude and American pride on Facebook and Twitter - and even on TV stations.  It was great to see so much, especially with my son leaving in a couple of months for the Marine Corps.  I had a rather emotional weekend!  We had a guest speaker in Sunday School, too - a career Army commander who talked about 'Christianity in the Military'.  Very moving hour - and quite a few tears on my part.

I know four young men now who are serving - Logan in the Air Force in Minot, ND; Van in the Army in Korea; John in Navy boot camp in Chicago and Charlie who left today for Marine basic training in Parris Island.  Please keep them, their families and all who are serving, have served and are getting ready to serve in your prayers. 

Til next time,

L

We're back!  It's been a long six or so weeks - love the money, but it sure wears me out!

Tonight we had started off with Strawberry Spinach Salad - fresh strawberries, purple onion, feta cheese, walnuts (some of us) and spinach with a balsamic vinagrette dressing. We weren't sure how those flavors would combine, but it was really good!  The main dish was Texas Casserole from The Old Dominion Cookbook (as was the salad).  Ground beef in a tomato/garlic sauce, layered with a cream cheese/sour cream/green onion mixture and egg noodles, topped with cheddar cheese and baked.  It was really good, too - but seemed to be missing something.  Chili powdered was suggested, or something else to give it a little kick.  We also had Garlic Texas Toast.

Now I'm craving Strawberry Shortcake.  We may just end up with dessert next week. Other than that, I'm open to suggestions.

Til next time!

L