I heard a great sermon this morning at Pleasant Grove Camp Meeting in Mineral Springs, NC. Jesus loves us and we need to fall in love with Him every day. Rev. Marilyn Wooten used the movie "Fifty First Dates" as a point of emphasis - where Adam Sandler's character loves Drew Berrymore's so much, he makes her fall in love with him over and over again, every day. (She had an accident that resulted in short term memory loss and wakes up each day thinking it's the day of the accident.) What a concept! I have been so caught up lately feeling unloved, unliked, worthless (although I know I'm not any of the three - I've been on a pity party), that I've completely forgotten the incredible, undescribable, unimaginable LOVE my Savior has for me. Wow. What a timely, amazingly NEEDED message (and how often THAT happens! I think there's some divine influence there. LOL)

I desperately need to keep in mind AT ALL TIMES that I am loved and I am a valuable child of God.

It's been a soul-searching week and I have discovered at least one big thing. I am honest to the point of being sinfully proud. I am so careful to cover every angle that, rather than coming across as sincere and trustworthy, I come across as cagey. My excuses are full of "not that I recall" and "not intentionally". Have I repeated something someone told me? "Not that I recall" (I 'honestly' don't remember every word I've ever said, and I do try not to talk about people, but in reality, some things can be shared with innocence and I truly don't remember.) Have I betrayed a confidence? "Not intentionally". (I have NEVER purposefully or knowingly betrayed a confidence. Have I ever repeated something not thinking, or not realizing that it was MEANT to be confidental? I'm sure I have.) Therefore, I cannot honestly say "No". The problem is that the person asking doesn't know my thought patterns and where I'm coming from, they only hear the vagueness and cageyness. Maybe one of these days I'll just learn to keep my mouth shut and not talk about other people, be it good, bad or indifferent.

Happy Friday!

I'm really not wanting to go back to work today! It's been a great weekend. Would you believe someone in the neighborhood is weed-eating at 6:30 in the morning?

If you pray, please remember a friend who has been battling two different kinds of cancer. She finished her last chemo last week and will be having a full body scan today. She's a single mom with a young (10? 11?) son.

Today's the weigh-in for The Biggest Loser at work. I had to pay last week. :-( This week is probably not going to be any better. So much for being added incentive, huh? I can use the excuse that it was a holiday, cookout, etc. Bottom line, though, is that I ate too much and moved too little. Even the times I was in the pool, I was mostly floating, not power walking. Saying "it's a new day", "a new beginning", "starting over", etc. is getting old. I've said it too many times but made no lasting changes. I'm still looking for that motivation that will actually help.

Enough for now. I'm going to go pack a healthy lunch and supper and head in to work early. I'm covering for a vacationing coworker this week, so maybe I'll be too busy to think. That would be nice!

Happy 4th of July! I am enjoying a peaceful day - sitting here by myself, catching up on Facebook, looking forward to a cookout with friends and family later (if anyone shows up - we have a lot of 'maybes'). If no one comes, we leftovers for the week - it's all good!

I LOVED hearing "Eternal Father, Strong to Save" at Church this morning! It was my father's favorite hymn ("The Navy Hymn" - they sang it in the Worship service scene in "Titanic", by-the-way) and a quartet sang it at his memorial service. I only wish we could have sung it instead of just the organ playing it for the postlude. Oh, well. Then, when I got in the car, the radio station was playing "Highway 20 Ride" by The Zach Brown Band. That one always gets to me because my dad drove from North Myrtle Beach to Charlotte and back every other weekend for almost a year to get me. We had several long talks when he was dying and we always ended up going back to that drive. No matter what happened later, I never doubted that he loved me, even if he didn't like me very much. Funny, though, once we sat down, just the two of us, and he really got to know me, he decided I was pretty neat. I was just so different (different thought patterns, different interests, etc.)

Folks are on the way, so I'll close for now. Have a wonderful and SAFE Independence Day!

FRIDAY!!! LONG WEEKEND!!! I got my feelings hurt badly today, but it kept my mind off food, so I can't complain too much, can I? Sometimes you have to find the bright side - and I can usually find one in any situation. I was always the one whom, when someone said "we'll laugh about this some day", was the first to laugh. Of course, it was usually before everyone else saw the humor.

Today, I'm wondering: how often are we truly betrayed by those we think are our friends, and how often is it just misperception? I think we all tend to take things too personally. I saw a great quote once that I can't quite remember correctly, but it went something like this "You wouldn't worry what people thought about you if you knew how little they did". I interpreted that to mean not that people "thought little" of me, just that they really didn't spend much time thinking about me at all. I learned a long time ago not to be so self-conscious because everyone has their own thoughts and distractions. I don't notice if someone has on two different shoes or has a big zit, so I assume others don't either. Of course, I could be wrong. I've been told I am "weird and oblivious", so maybe it's just me. However, I find it hard to believe that people think I notice everything about them - OR care.

I am tired of trying to be thoughtful and nice and having people think I have some hidden agenda. I not only don't notice how often everyone around me does or doesn't do something on a regular basis, I DON'T CARE. I will worry about myself and let everyone else worry about themselves. Their conscious's may allow them to do things I don't do and vice versa. Get over it. I have to live with myself and so do they. If it doesn't bother them, why should it bother me? Who am I to judge? Do I tend to judge sometimes? Sure! I can be petty and complain at times - who doesn't? I just need to work harder on being a better person.

Now, if I can only remember to practice what I'm preaching...

Good night!

I love it when I get so tickled by something I can't breathe and I have tears rolling down my face! Tonight it happened when I was so sleepy I could hardly hold up my head, but afterwards I was so refreshed - it was aerobic. LOL Unfortunely, I'm under strict confidentiality, so I can't tell you a thing about it. (Don't you just love it when people do that?!?)

I was still a little queasy today, so the eating went well. I hope it lasts. **Sigh**. Is that pathetic?

Looking forward to a nice long weekend.

My biggest problem is that I KNOW all the tips, all the blocks in the "Food Pyramid", all the things I shouldn't eat and the things I should. Counting POINTS? Got that. Portion sizes? Got that, too. Books on weight loss? Got those. So what's the problem?

Emotional eating, in a nutshell. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I'm lonely, down, angry, excited. You name it! I found a great book titled "When Food is Love", but when I try to read it, I get through about 3 pages and start crying. (I actually made it all the way through once. Maybe I need to try reading it again.) If I could just lose the old baggage, the weight would melt off. So, I'm working on it.

As I celebrate Independence Day this weekend, I will declare my own independence from all things edible.

God Bless the USA! (and me)

I'm not exactly 'unhappy' with my life right now, more 'unsatisfied'. I feel like there should be more. Now, more WHAT, I'm not sure. Something, however, is missing.

Part of my dissatisfied state is the result of my weight. I lost 30 pounds 'on my own' in 2008, and another 30 with Weight Watchers in 2009. I can't seem to get it back under control, though, and have gained back about 14 pounds. (Much better than all 60, but this trend needs to stop.)

I love to read! I just finished Barbara Delinsky's "The Summer I Dared" and it was fantastic; one of those you finish and it stays on your mind for days. I always love her books, but this may be my favorite. Of course, I tend to read so many, so fast, that I can pick them up way down the road and not remember if I've read them yet or now. I started an Excel spreadsheet with one worksheet of books I WANT to read (over 900 at the moment) and another of those I've already read - I neglected to add the date when I first started tracking, so I'm not sure when that was, but it has almost 300 on it now. I'm thinking it was 2006 or so.

So, anyway. I was thinking that maybe if I started a journal (or, to be more modern, blog), I could share some of my thoughts. No clue if anyone is interested in reading them or not, but maybe it'll help me to put it all down.

Till next time!